Stitches
by B. and the Jetts
Summary: Sam never really thought about it, but he mapped his life through Dean's. He had to go all the way back to what Dean had been up to at the time, a whole bunch of stupid little things that even dad wouldn't remember, but they were the only way Sam could manage to remember when the stuff in his own life happened. Pretty much raising someone will do that.
1. a fool who plays it cool

Usually Jessica woke up to the sound of her boyfriend terrible singing. She was pretty sure he had this idea that the bathroom was a special land where no sound could ever escape from, so when he showered, he sang. The sound did escape, and it sucked.

She would stay in bed listening and laughing into her pillow. But there was no singing, no water running or any sign that anyone was in the bathroom, the covers on the bed were rumpled and Sam was nowhere in sight.

It was probably nothing, so she buried her head back in his pillow, because it smelled of him, and she was _so_ whipped, and tried to go back to sleep. She had actually managed to doze off when the first noise came to snap her eyes open. Then the second made her sit up, the third simply freaked her out.

"It's nothing." saying it aloud was good, because feeling stupid was just better than feeling… this.

So, still feeling stupid, she got up and sneaked out of the bedroom with James Bond's theme humming in her head to keep her calm and collected while she crept her way to the kitchen, her back to the wall the whole time.

"Sam?" Jessica called and got a wide eyed look from her boyfriend before he schooled his features into a neutral look.

"Hey Jess" Sam said slowly, coming to stand beside her, his eyes never leaving the strange guy – boy? – leaning on the kitchen sink "This is my brother, Dean."

"Brother?" Jess knew Sam had a brother. A younger brother that he never ever talked about, so it was a pretty distant knowledge, to be honest, she thought that said brother was dead.

Obviously not, since the guy, _Dean_, was stepping forward, to her, and seemed pretty alive and – by the undisguised onceover she got – kind of a dick.

"Wow…" Dean breathed, eyes cat-like in the poor light coming from the street "You're way out of my brother's league."

She was about to tell him to fuck off when Sam let out this twitchy hollow laugh "So not funny, Dean. What do you want?"

Dean's eyes dropped to the ground then, brow knitted and twirled the beer bottle for a couple of seconds before looking at his brother. The whole dickness about him dropped down a notch by then, but Jessica figured it could just be a moment thing. He'd probably be back to his dickish ways anytime now.

"Dad's been gone for a couple of weeks."

"By 'gone' do you mean dead?" Sam asked after a beat and Dean's mouth dropped open in shock.

"Dude, no! Dad's not dead!"

"Then I still don't get what you're doing here."

Now that was cold. Jessica didn't really know what happened between Sam and his family, since the stubborn ass wouldn't talk about it, but still… And that stricken look on Dean's face only made it worse, even if it disappeared in an instant.

"I'm gonna rephrase that." Dean shot Jess a quick glance, but turned his focus back to his brother "Dad went on a hunting trip, and I haven't heard from him since."

Sam turned to stone right then and there, and Jess wanted to say she understood, but she really didn't. Hunting was a dangerous practice, sure, but-

"And what do you want me to do about it, Dean?" the silence after Sam asked that was heavy and uncomfortable.

Jessica wanted to leave the brothers to themselves, didn't want to see that side of Sam, and specially didn't want to feel any sympathy for Dean, she didn't even know him, he could be – probably was – faking it. If she could guess anything by the way Sam was treating him, Dean was trouble, hell, he climbed through their window in the middle of the night, it just couldn't be good.

But the way he was looking back at Sam… The fact that he was trying to hide it only made it worse. She hoped he was faking it, or Sam was being a gigantic moron.

Dean seemed to remember she was there and wrinkled his nose. "Do we really need to talk about this in front of her?" then shot Jess an apologizing glance.

"Whatever you wanna say to me, you can say in front of her." Sam answered stoically, wrapping an arm around Jessica's shoulder.

She almost shrugged him off, felling like she was being used as a weapon in some sort of sibling war, but curiosity got the best of her. Whatever happened next would be epic, and the only thing missing was popcorn. And yes, she was a horrible, _horrible_ person.

"Whatever?" Dean echoed, expression changing to something Jess thought was just mischievous, but Sam's arm tightened around her "Ok. Jess? I can call you Jess, right?" he didn't wait for an answer "Did you know that lover boy over there chewed on his hair for _years_?"

Okay… Not exactly what she'd been expecting he'd say, still, Jessica snorted despite herself.

"What?" Sam's voice was almost a shriek.

"Yeah, he didn't think I knew that." Dean kept going, leaning back on the sink "But I did." he whispered ominously "Dad had been busy and kinda neglected our haircuts for a while, I had like…" he waved a hand in front of his forehead "bangs, so you can only imagine what Rapunzel there looked like. Whenever he thought I wasn't looking, he munched on his hair like it tasted of sunshine and lollipops. Pretty much the most disgusting thing I ever saw."

"Yeah, Jess, could you give us a moment?" Sam pleaded, guiding her away from the kitchen.

"No! Let me tell her how I got you to stop the freak fest!" Dean shouted as he followed "We were sharing a bed."

"Dean, enough." Sam warned, but was thoroughly ignored by both girlfriend and brother.

"So I waited 'till he was fast asleep, got a pair of scissors and snapped a tiny lock of my hair and spread it across his pillow." he sat down comfortably on the couch.

"I'm gonna call the cops." with an eye roll, Jess grabbed Sam's arm before he could get to the phone "Jess!" he looked betrayed.

"Sam… Just talk to your brother. He's obviously worried about your father enough to bring out the big guns on your weird ass childhood habits."

"See, big brother" Dean commented lightly "I already like her more than I like you."

"And you." she turned to Dean, whose eyes went impossibly wide. Huh. They were green "Next time, you come in through the _door_, knocking beforehand would be nice. Or at least call before climbing up the window, you almost gave me a heart attack."

"I did call!" Dean exclaimed, full of righteous indignation "I did! Left a voicemail and everything."

They turned to Sam who had a deer caught in headlights look. "I never got anything." Jess narrowed her eyes and Sam shrugged "I didn't!"

"Look. I got it." Dean intervened, all mischief gone from his expression "I'm disrupting your concept of normal, Sam, I just wanted some help with the whole dad ordeal, but I'll figure it out."

Sam blanched at that. "I can help you."

"No, dude, I'm fine. Really. It's just that… It's been a while, I guess I just… You know."

Jessica kept looking between brothers and realized that whatever it was that Dean meant, she didn't know. And was simply _dying_ to know, but decided it was best to wait this out.

Sam just stood there, looking awkward and… guilty, maybe? He was about to say something when Dean stood.

"Dude." he said with an easy smile "Relax! Seriously, you're gonna pull something. I gotta go now… Sorry for the whole, you know, breaking and entering in the middle of the night and stealing a beer and… Whatever else." he stood up and went back to the kitchen.

"You can leave through the door!" Jess called out and Dean peaked back "Or you could just stay the night."

"Nah… But I'll take the offer on the door thing."

Sam remembered how to move and rushed to escort his brother out. "You really can stay, you know?" he whispered as soon as he closed the door.

"No, Sam… I can't, I shouldn't even have come. I just…"

"Needed help?"

"Yeah… It's kinda hard." Dean shrugged and smiled again "But I'll handle it. Always do. Dad probably just lost his cell or something."

Sam was about to call bullshit on the lost cellphone when it hit him, what was really going on. "How long did you say dad's been gone?"

"A couple of weeks."

"And how long before that have you been hunting alone?"

"What?" Dean gave a brief laugh "What does that have to do with anything?"

"So you have been hunting alone, haven't you?"

"Dude, I'm eighteen. Gotta be able to lift my own weight sooner or later."

"Dean, you're a kid."

"Sam, you're an asshole. See? I can say random stuff 'bout you too, only mine are true."

Sam got a pinched look on his face, but reined his temper "I just meant I agree with you. You can't do this alone."

"I obviously can, Sammy. I've been doing just that, I just needed to see some familiar faces, it's all. Now I'm all warm and fuzzy inside and can totally get back on the road."

"So you missed me?"

Dean snorted loudly. "Oh, for fuck sake. I thought you've gotten over the whole girly thing now that you actually managed to get a real girl. How did you do that by the way? I mean, she's hot! Like _really_ hot. Like _way_ better than I ever thought you'd be able to get."

Sam laughed and stared at his younger brother. Dean looked all grown up and it scared the shit out of Sam, he couldn't even explain why, but it always felt that the moment Sam walked out the door, Dean would freeze in time, forever fourteen, skinny and gangly, laughing way too loudly at the most inappropriate times.

"Dean-" he tried, but couldn't finish.

"Look, I gotta go. It was a long drive and I'm dead on my feet."

They walked silently to where Dean parked and Sam's jaw dropped. "You got the Impala?"

"Well… Yeah."

"You _stole_ the Impala from me?"

"Dude! You were gonna sell it."

"Why didn't you just ask for it?"

There was no answer, Dean placed his hand on the roof of the car like he needed support, then turned slowly and smiled "Bye, Sammy."

Sam had been standing on the sidewalk, of that much he was sure, though he had no idea how long had it been since Dean left, or why the hell was he so cold all of a sudden.

"You are _not_ going to tell me you just let your brother drive away, are you?" Jessica asked from the window.

"I didn't let him, he just… Went."

"I'm going after him."

"What? Why the hell would you do that?"

"First?" she was already outside wearing one of his hoodies and flowery rubber boots that she would normally wear when it was raining. She looked stunning. And he was _so_ whipped. "He's your brother, and even if I don't know what happened between you two, I can tell that you care. You've been standing there for about 20 minutes since he left. Second? He never got to finish the story 'bout how he got you to stop chewing on your hair."

"He was lying, you know."

She gave him a peck on the lips. "Sure he was."

* * *

A/U.: Ok, I have no idea where I'm going with this, I just needed to write it down or it would keep me up at night.

They're not really drabbles, but they don't make that much of a story either, so... Yeah. Don't expect much of a cronological anything. Or good grammar. Or extensive vocabulary. Seriously, just forgive the foreign girl and give this a try, you might enjoy it!


	2. So let it out and let it in

Dean never got sick. Ever. Ok, he did get the sniffles every now and then, his voice would get nasal and his nose runny, but he's still go about his business like he didn't look completely disgusting with all that snot on his upper lip. So when he first came down with a fever at 4 years old, the really strong kind, the could-end-in-seizure kind, Sam freaked.

Dad said it would be fine, Dean was strong and would get over it in the blink of an eye, Sam didn't care what Dad thought. He wasn't being a brat, not really, but how could he believe anything like that when Dean wasn't eating?

Dean wasn't eating.

Sometimes Dean would _not_ speak, Dean could make a point of _not_ listening, but he ate. He always ate. But now? Not even a cookie. This had to be a sign the kid was dying, how could dad not see that?

Clearly dad didn't see it, since he just got up and left, saying he had to do some digging around the library. Yeah. Even said it with a straight face, like he actually meant a research. Sam jutted out his chin and ignored him until he left.

He didn't know what was worse, dad leaving while Dean stared at his back with those too bright eyes, so obviously_ dying_, or the fact that dad thought Sam didn't know what was really going on. Like Sam was just a kid.

"Dean… Eat something. Please?"

Like Sam forgot what happened to mom.

"Not hungry."

Like Sam didn't have to practice his shooting every freaking day.

"Even if I make you something special?"

Like Sam didn't have to salt all doors and windows to keep all that evil outside.

"Special?"

Like Sam's job wasn't to keep Dean alive. Even when he was so obviously dying with those too bright eyes and boiling skin and-

"Yeah, like magic."

Dean blinked owlishly twice before mumbling "Okay."

Sam worked his little heart out in the kitchen, put all the magic he could muster into that last tiny, ridiculous effort to keep his baby brother alive. It looked almost like the ones she used to make.

"Here." he breathed handing the plate.

Dean's eyes turned way too slowly, and Sam swallowed hard even as they managed to focus. "It's a sandwich." Dean stated dully.

"Yeah, buts it isn't just a sandwich. See? It has the crusts cut off, that's the magic. Mom always made them for me when I felt bad, said they'd make everything better."

Suddenly, saying those words didn't seem like a good idea and Sam felt absolutely stupid, sitting on the foot of his brother's death bed. There was no thing like magic. Sometimes there was just fire.

"Did it work?" Dean asked dubiously flicking the sandwich a glance, before looking at Sam again.

"Every time."

Dean ate.

**xoo0oox**

Sam realized he had to be dreaming, it was the only logical explanation.

Not the part that had Dean on it, that was actually pretty plausible since Sam had been secretly waiting for his family to show up every day since he got to Stanford.

He waited, and hoped they'd never show. It was for completely selfish reasons for he knew that when one of them showed, bad news would follow. Dean would come broken and bleeding, crying and retelling how their father got ripped to shreds before his eyes. Dad would call and say the words that had plagued Sam's nightmares for most of his life: 'Dean's gone.'

So all in all, Dean's visit hadn't been that bad, and after Sam got over himself, he admitted he missed the kid. Not out loud, of course, but still…

But this part right now? It had to be a dream, or else he was riding a bike in the middle of the night looking for his brother that had left in a freaking car and was probably a state away at least by now.

Jessica could be so fucking stubborn, she kept insisting Dean was still around and that she would find him even if she had to look all night. Instead, Sam was on a borrowed bike getting to that awful state where he was still cold even though he was beginning to sweat, because there was no way in hell he'd let Jess cruise in the empty streets in the dark.

Why did she think Dean was still around was a mystery, a dumb one, but for some unfathomable reason, Sam couldn't ignore her when she got like that. He'd been riding for about 15 minutes and decided it was enough, Dean was gone and it sucked that they parted acting like strangers around each other, but there was nothing he could do about now-

Crap.

The street light made the slick black Impala shine and even if it didn't, Sam would recognize it anywhere.

Crap.

There'd be no living with Jess after this…

Getting closer to it, Sam found his baby brother sleeping in the front seat, crumbled against the passenger door, his upper half covered with a jacket. It was such a familiar image that Sam froze in a nostalgic déjà vu for a moment, then started to bang on the roof of the car.

"Open the door, Dean!"

"Fuck off!" Sam wasn't even sure if Dean woke up for that.

"Come on, Dean… We gotta go."

Dean huffed and got up just enough to unlock the door and fell back to the same position, without opening his eyes. Sam got the keys and threw the bike in the trunk before climbing into the driver's seat, almost immediately, Dean's socked feet found their way to his lap.

"Guess you're still fourteen, then…" he whispered mostly to himself and started the car.

The drive was short, Jess had no idea how right she had been when she said Dean was still around… Crap.

It was only when they parked that Dean seemed to wake up for real.

"You're not gonna make me carry up upstairs, are you?" Sam asked with a smirk that only got wider when Dean's face contorted in disgust.

"Dear God, you're real…"

"Yeah, I'm real. Were you dreaming of me?" Sam laughed even as the foot left his lap and kicked him hard on the ribs.

Dean quickly slipped into his shoes and jacket before stepping out of the car and leaning back on the closed door.

"Why are we here, Sam?" he asked when his brother joined him, but kept looking up, to a lit up window.

"I live here."

"I don't."

"You shouldn't have to sleep in the car when you come to visit me."

That got a suspicious look. "Now I'm a visitor? Are you sure? Can't call the cops on visitors, Sam."

"And visitors come in through the door, not the window, as we'll be doing now, so I think it's ok."

Whatever comeback Dean had on the trigger was interrupted when Jess's voice rang down "Oh my GOD! Could you two just come up? I'm trying to eavesdrop and you're making it so hard!"

Dean snorted loudly but said nothing, just followed Sam upstairs.

Jessica's smile was bright enough to light up the whole room, even if Dean just walked by her into the living room without as much as a glance, and Sam felt himself frown when he looked at her.

"How did you know?"

"How did I know what?"

"How did you _know_?" he repeated, jutting his chin in Dean's direction.

He didn't think it was possible, but her smile actually got brighter. "I'm just awesome like that."

Jessica felt kind of creepy spying on the kid like that. Maybe it was because he wasn't really a kid; he was 18, and her boyfriend's younger brother, and obscenely hot, so that's why she had to think of him as a kid, it was just easier on her tender sensibilities.

So she watched the kid sleep, still feeling slightly creepy, but she just couldn't get over how adorable he looked with his hair pointing all over the place. And now that he was actually still, for the first time since he first walked through the door – or climbed up the window, whatever – she could see freckles dusted over his nose and had to bite her knuckles to keep from going 'Awww…' and waking him up

Picking up the blanket he managed to kick to the floor, Jessica wondered when exactly did Dean went from being a prick to became so disgustingly adorable.

Thinking back, the first time they met in the middle of the freaking night, with Sam looking all chagrined and a tad disheveled and Dean leaning back on the kitchen sink, smirking and drinking a beer he just stole from their fridge, he did look like an asshole.

But after, when Sam brought him back, sleepy and suspicious, something was different. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was a solemnity to his posture when he stood by the makeshift bed that was usually the sofa. If she didn't know him, she'd think he was embarrassed.

Then it hit her that she didn't know him at all. And so the blabbering began.

"So, Dean, you can sleep here, ok? I mean, is here ok with you? Because we can think of something else, but I'm pretty sure that couch is really comfy, I've spent entire nights there on finals week and slept like a baby with my face stuffed on a book. Yeah… You really don't wanna know about my studying habits do you? Of course not, you only wanna sleep, witch you should do if the couch is alright with you. Oh, man, look at me, yammering away and you must be thinking 'Sweet Jesus, this girl won't shut up!', so I'm gonna go to bed now to stop bothering you, and because we both need to sleep, right?"

"Hey Jess?" he called and Jessica almost thanked him for the help with shutting up, but instead, held her tongue and waited, if she hadn't, the tiny smile Dean was sending her way would probably go by unnoticed "Thanks."

His smile got bigger even as he cast his eyes downwards, so adorably shy.

It was right then and there that Jessica came to terms with the realization that if she didn't love Sam so damn much, she'd be jumping his brother right that second.

"You're welcome, kid." she said calmly, didn't even sound patronizing at all, and Dean's shy little smile mixed up with a 'what the _fuc__k_?' expression, she knew it had been the perfect thing to say.

* * *

**A/N.:** I was so overwhelmed by the awesome feedback I got on this! Thank you guys so much!

I know this chapter will probably be kind of lame, since nothing big happened, but we're getting there, I don't wanna rush it. And I'm slightly lazy. Sorry.

But seriously, I'm deeply grateful for each and everyone of you who took the time to review last chapter, so I'm gonna try my best to keep the story at least cute, ok? I'm so lame...


	3. don't be afraid

Dean was thirteen when he showed up with a guitar, saying he won it in a poker game.

Sam held back a smile, he couldn't pick his favorite thing about the whole situation: a) the fact that Dean managed to find a poker game and win it; b) that Dean was still naïve enough to think his Dad wouldn't bitch to seven hells and back about him bringing the guitar in the car; c) that Dean might be lying about how he got the guitar and still managed to be pretty convincing.

Never one to disappoint, dad bitched to seven hells and back. Predictable, yes, incredibly annoying though.

The thing is, Dean would usually jump at the opportunity to please their father – something that drove Sam nearly insane – and later would be moping around the corners 'cause even if dad had been pleased, or whatever passed for that, he'd be sad for giving up whatever it was that'd pissed dad off.

Not this time; the little dude put his dukes up and his foot down and Sam kept thinking that if his heart could explode of pride, it would be doing so in the next few moments.

Still John bitched, oh how he bitched, the guitar would take up precious space, there was no one to teach Dean how to play, and even if did learn how, John needed his sleep and would not be bothered by the out of tune waling of either the kid or the instrument, and Dean stood there, calm as a monk on morphine.

Sam would never know if Dean planed it or if the little fucker was just ridiculously lucky, but John was already scheduled to leave, and was running late with the whole argument, so Dean could keep the guitar. For now.

As dad slammed the door shut, Dean deflated and took a shuddering breath before noticing Sam and giving him a toothy grin "He's gonna murder me in my sleep!"

Yeah, dad probably would try to smother Dean with a pillow that night, but neither boy cared right that second.

In the following months, Sam would find Dean sitting outside their front door, mercilessly torturing the guitar and calling it "playing"; the kid had this illusion that closed doors were sound proof, so he'd always stay outside, never one to play in 'hearing range' if he could help it.

But Sam heard it. All the time. It was a pain and it was mesmerizing. And the first time the perfect sounding chords of Smoke on the Water seemed to echo in the stingy motel, Sam could've enrolled Dean into Julliard.

Then one day, between motels, the guitar simply vanished.

John coolly watched Dean run around desperately for a couple of minutes before commenting _way_ too lightly "If you'd been more careful you wouldn't have forgotten it back there. It doesn't matter anyway, you know that thing took too much space."

Dean pressed his lips into a thin line – which was the closest the kid got to crying this days – and nodded sullenly.

In an unusual moment of self-control, Sam silently shot daggers into his father with his eyes and let Dean choose what they would watch for the night.

The next day, he got Dean a harmonica.

**xoo0oox**

Sam woke up before his alarm rang, which pissed him off to incredible levels, but got up anyway and headed for the shower.

He washed his hair and sang, keeping his voice in check not to wake Jess up.

"_Today is gonna be the day… na na na nana nana to you… __By now you should've somehow na na na na na na to do... __I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now..._"

When he got out, Jess was stretching with her eyes closed, only this woman could manage to have just woken up and already be this gorgeous.

She smiled and opened her mouth, but the first words he heard came from outside the bedroom.

"Mother of God! It stopped! Have I gone death?"

Sam shot Jess a confused glance and she managed to keep a straight face for all of 5 seconds before bursting into giggles.

"Is it dead, Jessica? Did you shoot it? Did you give that wailing animal a merciful and well deserved death?"

Jessica bolted from the bedroom full out laughing and Sam was still lost.

Then, the night before came flying back to him and he remembered that Dean was sleeping on his couch just outside the door.

In fact, now that Sam was looking at him, Dean was just half asleep, his eyes not entirely focused like he'd been jolted awake by something pretty gruesome.

Wait…

"You heard me singing?!"

"If I heard…? Dude! There are cats in heat out there trying to tear down the door to answer your sensual mating sounds! Yeah. I heard you."

And it was then that Jessica's sweet laughter turned into the one of a cackling harpy.

"You're so full of shit! There's no way you heard me, Jess never hears me and I sing all the time in the shower."

Dean gave him a blank stare then disappeared back beneath his covers grumbling "Fucking morning people…"

Sam walked to the kitchen in a daze and found Jessica shoving cookies in her mouth to keep from laughing more "You could hear me?"

"The whole campus could hear you, jackass!"

"Shut up, Dean!" Sam pretended not to notice how Jess clamped a hand over her mouth almost choking "Seriously, Jess, why didn't you ever say anything?"

"She knew better than to poke a wounded beast!"

"Dean, I swear to God!" Sam threatened, but the effect was completely ruined by Dean's loud huff of laughter and Jessica's even louder giggle.

This situation never crossed Sam's mind, but even as it happened he realized that his baby brother forming an alliance with his girlfriend was his worst nightmare. Especially when said girlfriend was Jess.

"If I told you I could hear your-"

"Dying sounds." Dean supplied helpfully.

"- agonizing wails?" she offered back.

"Good one." Dean answered after a beat. See? That right there was why those two should never bond.

"Anyway, if I said I heard your wailing, you would stop. And I didn't want that. You seemed to enjoy it so much… It was cute."

"Your girlfriend's the one full of shit. It is _not_ cute. It's not even funny at this ungodly hour, now could you two lovesick puppies shut the hell up while I get my beauty sleep? I need to bounce in a couple of hours."

"Already?!" Jess startled running to the living room "Oh come on! Why?"

Sam didn't need to follow, he could picture Dean stuffing the pillow in his mouth. "I ah… can't stay."

It had been a while, but Sam was pretty sure that was Dean Speak for 'I'm embarrassed to stay longer'.

Jessica did not have the same dictionary as Sam. "You are so staying! There's absolutely no way you're leaving this house."

"Are we discussing a hostage situation?"

It was Sam's turn to almost choke on cookies, if he hadn't been there for the most of Dean's life, he'd bet his brother was raised by wolfs.

But then again, when he considered his father…

"Oh come on… You so owe me to stay and dish out the goods on what I'm sure is a very condemning childhood."

"I _owe_ you?"

"I gave you a roof and a warm bed, and you know I could've left you out there in the gutter."

"Golly gee, thanks, _mom_."

Sam finished his breakfast and checked the clock on the wall, he needed to leave or he'd be late for class. But leaving Dean and Jess alone seemed like such a crappy idea…

"Sam! You're gonna be late!" Jessica, the mind reader called from the living room.

"Oh my God, woman, _shut up!_"

Sam really wanted to tear a new one on Dean for talking to Jess like that – seriously he taught him better than that! – but she just laughed.

Sam's head peeked through the door and found Jess sitting on the back of the couch, leaning her legs on Dean's, who had a pillow on his face.

"I'm not sure I should go…"

"_I_ should go" Dean groaned from his hiding place "Sam, I'm sorry. I get it now; you don't want me here, fair enough. Take the harpy away from me and I'll leave and never come back."

"You gonna let him call me a harpy, Sam?" Jess arched a brow.

"Fine, harpy was harsh… Banshee, maybe?"

"Sam! Your brother's being mean to me!"

"Sam! Your girlfriend is a lot heavier than she seems to realize! Get her off of me!"

Sam stared. Jess giggled and leapt off the couch. "We're just goofing around, Sam. You can go, I promise we'll be nice to each other."

That's not what Sam was worried about at all.

"Okay…"he sighed "I'm going."

"Have a nice day, babe." She smiled and got on her tippy toes to press her lips to his.

Dean made loud gagging sounds.

"Are you gonna be here when I get back, Dean?"

There was a tense silence hanging over their heads.

"With that gorgon of a girlfriend of your breathing down my neck? Not likely."

It could be Dean Speak for 'I'll try', or it could be that he thought Jess was annoying and would bail as soon as he got some coffee. Hard to be sure.

Once Sam was gone, Jessica decided to take pity on Dean and go back to the kitchen. Maybe if she cooked him something extra nice he'd stay a little longer.

She knew that no matter what Sam actually said – or didn't say really – about his family, he was lonely and missed them. He just had a mostly messed up way of showing it, like not calling and pretty much letting her think his kid brother was dead. What was up with _that_ anyway?

They'd have a serious talk once he got back.

The smell of the coffee she was brewing started to take the whole apartment and it wasn't long before Dean was silently padding his way to the table.

"I thought it was too early for you" she commented lightly setting a mug in front of him.

"It is." he grumbled falling seated across from her "But you have coffee."

"Aren't you a little young to drink coffee?" she asked, pouring him some anyway.

He stared at her, all bed hair and bright, rested eyes. He didn't really look like Sam in general, but the look on his face? That expression? Completely Sam. It was what Sam looked like when he wanted to say something awfully rude to someone but held back.

Because that was Sam, he held back, swallowed and forced a smile.

But this is Dean, so he held back – Jess was never the one on the other end of that look, it shouldn't be so damn amusing – he swallowed and looked away, mouth pursed. He probably wasn't one to actually hold back on whatever he wanted to say, but he did it for Jess.

So it wasn't her fault at all when she nearly pinched his cheeks.

"I know what's best for me." he said darkly after a beat.

"Yeah, like every other eighteen year old."

Oh, there was that look again.

"Look, if my lack of caffeine is bothering you, I already said that I wanted to leave." he pointed at her with his mug "You're the one who manhandled me into staying so far."

She tried to compose herself, bur a grin made its way to her face. "I'm sorry." she wasn't really "I just worry." his face turned into a frowny pout "If you stay, I'll cook for you."

Dean took a long sip of his coffee, then licked his lips "You'll cook what?"

Of course Jess didn't tell him. What was the fun in that?

But this time, Dean took it like a champ, and grinned. "Do you need help chopping anything? I'm wicked good with a blade."

And he wasn't kidding. Kid was a freaking ninja and way more helpful than Sam had ever been. Not that Sam didn't want to help, he was just the kind of guy who burnt water. She was pretty sure that if someday they broke up, he'd starve to death.

After Dean finished with the slicing and dicing, Jessica kicked him out of the kitchen or else he'd ruin her surprise. He went with no fuss and that had her rattled. He wasn't gonna leave, was he?

It was a bitch to cook while trying to keep an eye on him, but she was nothing if not awesome at multitasking.

When the silence got to her, she checked to see if nothing was going to burn while she was gone and went to the living room. Dean was facing a wall, twirling a black magic marker on his fingers.

"Are you grounded or something?" her question made him drop the marker.

"Are you spying on me, you little perv?" he knelt down to pick it up.

"What's that for?" she pointed "Were you about to graffiti my wall?"

"Now you'll never know. Can I use your shower?"

Jessica didn't plate anything, there would be plenty of time for that after Sam got home, but everything else was done during the time Dean was showering, except for a batch of cookies still in the oven. She set the timer for that and had just plopped down on the couch when he reappeared, water droplets still rolling down his naked chest.

Jessica did not stare. She just froze in shock, that's it. After all, her tender sensibilities? Shot to hell.

"Dude!" she chastised "There's a lady in the house. That means no walking around half naked."

"There's a _lady_ in here? I thought Sam went out!"

"Ha ha."

He pulled a gray t-shirt over his head, giving a small honest smiled and sat next to her. He was _so_ enjoying this, the little attention whore. Dean kept saying he wanted to leave, but every time he got the chance he stayed and tried not to make a big deal about it.

She was _so_ on to him.

"Go on." he said suddenly and Jess blinked.

"What?"

"It's obvious you're doing all of this trying to pull some sort of Stockholm Syndrome on me to get me to tell you embarrassing stuff about Sam, so… Ask away."

"You've considered me worthy enough to bare such knowledge?" she brought a hand over her heart "I'm honored."

He shrugged "Meh. I'm just happy that Sam finally chose a girlfriend smart enough to bribe me into liking her."

Now this was getting interesting. "You didn't like his girlfriends?"

"Not even one."

"He had a lot of them?" even if Sam had a billion girlfriends, Jessica wouldn't care, she was just curious because he never talked about it – now that she was thinking this through, Sam didn't talk about a _lot_ of things. Huh. – and every time she asked, he's say that after he met her, whoever there was before didn't matter anymore. Which was sweet, but total crap.

Dean opened his mouth with such intent, Jess had no idea what to expect, then he stopped, looked at her and his lips twitched. "Not really, no. But he did have a lot of 'study buddies', which were a bunch of horny chicks who pretended to need tutoring just to spend time with him. And the dumbass helped them up until the point where they realized that the study date was more _study_ than _date_ and bailed. For someone so smart he can be totally clueless."

"How can you be so sure they didn't need tutoring?"

He snorted "I was the younger brother who supposedly needed babysitting. They were all humongous bitches to me, threatening me to stay out of the way."

"Did you tell Sam?"

"No way." then he added with a cheeky grin "I wasn't a reliable source."

Turns out he negotiated with them. The more they paid him, the longer he stayed at an arcade, burning through the money on the machines.

"Then there was this one bitch." he paused for a full dramatic effect "I offered her the same deal the others got. Unfortunate for me, she was the principal's kid and had heard a bunch of crappy stuff about me, most of which I didn't even do, but it was pretty solid blackmail material. Unfortunate for her, I heard Sam coming back; even more unfortunate for her, I could cry on command."

"Wow, you're _evil._" she said in soft wonder.

"Exactly. That why I said you're smart for bribing me."

The timer rang, Jess was heading for the kitchen when a knock on the door stopped her. "Could you get that for me?"

Dean nodded wordlessly.

The cookies were perfect, Dean's skills with guests? Not so much.

"May I help you?" soft words, harsh tone.

"Yeah…" Brady's voice was careful if not a little scared, it made Jess smile "Is Jessica here?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. And who the hell are you?" harsh words, soft tone.

This was just priceless, she was going to beg Sam for them to keep this one.

"Look, if I'm interrupting something-"

"No!" she shouted, peeking her head through the door "Not at all, Brady, come on in!"

Dean shot her the most bored look imaginable and stepped away.

"Well…" Brady looked around, fingers tapping his thigh "Isn't this cozy."

Jess stepped out of the kitchen wiping her hands on blouse "Dean, this is Brady. He's just an jerk from campus. We fed him once, now he keeps coming back."

"Ouch." Brady grimaced and Dean smirked from his spot leaning into the back of the couch.

"And this is-"

"Oh, I know all about you, _Dean__**.**_" the way Brady said that irked Jess. He had such a douchy sense of humor.

Dean seemed to agree, if the way his whole face tensed was an indicator.

"What are you talking about?" she went for amused but only got shaky.

"Dean Winchester" Brady enounced like a showman "The youngest, the runt of the litter. Mommy died because of you, didn't she? Daddy doesn't love you because of that, and big brother left you, that shows how good you are on _his_ book."

"Brady, what the hell?" Jess scolded, horrified.

"Who are you?" Dean asked way more centered than she expected him to be, hands curling into fists as he inched away from the couch.

Brady ignored both of them "Hunting is the only thing you're not complete shit at, and even that you're fucking up by staying here. Disgraceful, really."

"Brady!" Jessica all but shouted, punching his shoulder "Cut that out! Jesus!"

This got his attention, but his face was all warped wrong, like she'd never seen before "Excuse us for a second, Dean-o. Your sis-in-law and I need a moment."

Dean lunged forward "No!"

Brady flicked his wrist and Dean was flying across the room, landing heavily on the wall. Jessica cowered away, from the monster wearing Brady's face and towards Dean.

The kid's eyes were slightly unfocused, yet his stare was alarmingly intense "Run."

"What?"

"Run, Jess." he shoved her and attempted to stand, but Brady was already there, smashing his head against the wall.

"Come on, now. You want sweet dear Jess all to yourself? That's pretty selfish, Dean. I'll have to teach you some manners after I'm done with her."

Jessica scooted away, but a hand grabbed her by the hair and dragged her into the bedroom, flailing and screaming.

"It's nothing personal, I hope you know that." Brady said sympathetically, letting her go. Relief was short lived when her back attached itself to the wall, like she was being pulled by a gigantic magnet and couldn't move away "I like you. You just happen to keep very, _very_ bad company. And you're gonna die for it. Still, nothing personal."

She whimpered when the invisible giant magnet started pulling her up. In few seconds, she was standing, then her feet left the floor and she was still going up. Brady produced a knife, but Jess barely had time to appreciate what that could mean, the blade slashed through air and flesh, she felt every inch of it, but somehow, wasn't bleeding.

Brady sighed and cleaned the knife on his shirt "It won't be long now-"

Jess didn't understand the words that cut Brady off, gibberish falling over panicked ears, pure and simple. But she understood that those words were saving her life. She wanted to scream for Dean to keep going, but her mouth hanged open uselessly, no sound coming out, just as the blood wasn't flowing from her wound.

She was stuck to the ceiling, right over her bed, when the giant magnet finally stopped moving her. Brady's head twitched to the side, turning towards the words, and when he shot her a glance, teeth bared, his eyes were a murky yellow "I'll be right back, princess."

The words became rushed, frantic, but barely stopped even as Dean cried out. Jessica wanted to cry back, to tell him to keep going, to thank him for trying, to apologize.

A book skittered across the floor just outside the door and the laughter that wasn't really Brady's got louder and louder as Deans voice hitched – which wasn't reciting anything anymore – at whatever horrible thing was happening to him.

It was then, even over the blood pounding on her ears, Jess heard the hissed "No!"

And the "Gotcha." from Dean almost at the same time she was fell, face first on the bed.

Her voice was back, and she howled in pain as the cut on her stomach bled onto her hands and sheets. The tear racked sobs shook her body and made her throat and shoulders ache; she forced herself to stand and somehow made her way to the living room.

Brady had his hand around Dean's neck, and the kid stared back defiantly.

"You think this'll chance anything? That you're _saving_ her?" Brady taunted.

Dean ignored him completely, choosing to train his almost-glare on Jessica. He glanced to the abandoned book by her feet and bat to her. _Pick up the fucking book._

She did.

One of the pages had a yellow post it glued to it, a single sentence written in a messy scrawl 'Works on demons'. A chunk of the text was highlighted with yellow marker. Flicking her eyes to Dean one last time, she read.

"_Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio..._"

Brady snapped his head towards her "Shut up!"

She didn't.

"... _omnis congregatio et secta diabolica_._ Ergo draco maledicte-_"

"If you don't shut the fuck up, I'll kill him! I'll snap his neck!"

Breath and Latin words caught in her throat. Dean's eyes widened "Keep going, Jessica!" he forced out "Don't stop or we're dead!"

Brady cut him short by tightening his fist and between the two, Jessica chose to believe Dean.

"et omnis legio diabolica adjuramus te. Cessa decipere humanas creaturas..." Brady growled and Dean's eyes started to roll to the back of his head. She read faster "_... isque aeternae Perditionis venenum propinare._" Dean stopped fighting altogether going limp "_Humiliare sub potenti manu Dei-_"

With another animalistic growl, Brady let Dean fall to the ground and aimed to tackle Jess, who stopped breathing. He ran into something before he got even close, an invisible wall that held him back.

It didn't make any sense – none of this did – but a new surge of hope made her boulder and she went on "_contremisce et effuge, invocato a nobis sancto et terribili nomine, quem inferi tremunt._"

A huge cloud of black smoke exploded from Brady's mouth and Jess shrieked and jumped back. When it was over, his body slumped down, like a puppet with no strings.

Then there was nothing.

Jessica fell to her knees and bawled like an infant, fresh tears flowing down her face without restraint.

She didn't even notice Dean until his hand touched her shoulder making her flinch.

"Come on…" he croaked and winced as he swallowed "You're hurt."

He picked her up in a fireman carry and took her to the car.

The drive passed in a blur of mumbled reassurances "You're okay" Dean would mumble in his scratchy, painful voice "I've got you." it shouldn't make her feel better. He was a kid. "I'm here." a kid with blood shot green eyes, and a hand shaped bruise on his neck "I'm so sorry… Please, hang on."

It shouldn't help. But it did.

She silently stretched her hand and curled their fingers together, giving him a tiny squeeze.

A watery relieved smile graced his face. "Nothing's gonna happen to you while I'm here."

When they arrived at the hospital, there was Dean again, picking her up like she weighted nothing. Throwing an arm around his neck, she nestled her head on his shoulder and gripped the fine hairs on the back of his head.

"Jessica" he rasped, his voice made her wince "They're gonna ask about what happened." her grip on his hair tightened; it must've hurt, he didn't show "If they ask, _when_ they ask, we were attacked. This guy came in with Brady taking swings at us, totally messed up, we're thinking drugs or something. He stabbed you and tried to choke me. Brady took him down and we made a break for it, don't know what happened next. Do you understand me?"

Not really, no. Why would she say that? Brady tried to kill them. Brady was the one who swung a knife at her, not some other imaginary guy.

But there was that black smoke… It was evil, whatever it was, she was sure of it.

Could it be that Brady-

"Jess, _please_..." Dean stopped right before the glass doors, head bowed so that his cheek touched the top of her head "Please…" he begged in a tiny whisper that she felt rather than heard.

It broke her heart. "It's okay." she whispered back "I trust you." _You saved my life._

He let out a shuddering breath "I'm so sorry." with his next step, the doors slid open automatically "Somebody help, please!"

The next thing she knew, there were different pairs of hands grabbing at her, prodding and poking and laying her on a gurney. Somehow, Dean managed to keep holding her hand reassuringly.

She looked up to see his bloodshot eyes staring intently at her, even if they seemed a little off. The nurses rolled her away, but she kept her fingers tangled with his until the last moment, reaching as far as she could.

Getting further and further away, she saw the twitchy way he turned his head to the remaining nurse beside him "Is she gonna be okay?"

"We'll take care of her." the nurse replied soothingly "You can relax now."

"Good." Dean mumbled "Good."

The last thing she saw before the swing doors closed were Dean's eyes rolling to the back of his head as he crumpled down.

"DEAN!"

* * *

**A/N.:** Well... Took me long enough, didn't it?

I do apologize, but at the same time, I kinda think this was the best chapter so far, but as usual, you guys will be the judged of that.

Thanks a lot to all of you who are still with me on this! I don't think this will be a very long story, but your support's been awsome!

Oh, and sorry if it's kind of repetitive, I'm just learning how incredibly small my english vocabulary is...


	4. And any time you feel the pain

The day Dean turned sixteen, Sam felt awful.

He hadn't seen or spoke to his brother in nearly two years, and this was the day that Dean would finally be allowed to drive. You know, officially.

Sam should be there, celebrating such an important day, mocking Dean's screwed up driver's license picture, sneaking out with the Impala (which he took to college with him) and finishing the day getting their asses handed to them by their father, who wouldn't remember the date and would be astronomically pissed with them for disappearing.

Which would probably be incredibly hypocritical, since dad would most likely have been hunting for weeks, not even bothering to call.

The whole scenario seemed so realistic Sam was left feeling mellow. Then he slid into something that came this close to depression, and suddenly a beer didn't look like such a bad idea.

One beer turned into five and Sam found himself drunk dialing Dean.

The next morning, he had no idea what they talked about and was way too embarrassed to call back and apologize.

One week later the Impala was stolen.

**xoo0oox**

Sam barged into the hospital almost knocking a girl to the floor.

"May I help you, sir?" a tiny nurse with a big voice asked him angrily.

"Jessica Moore." he breathed trying to control his shaking hands "Where is she?"

Jess was sunken in a huge pillow, dark circles around her eyes. She looked so tiny and fragile surrounded by the white bedding.

Blue eyes turned to him, slightly dazed "Sam…" she breathed and her face fell, chin trembling and fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Sam was sitting by her side in less than a second "Goddamn it, they said I wasn't supposed to feel anything with this meds" she mumbled rubbing her face with the heel of her hand "Why the hell do I keep crying?"

Sam just hugged her tighter. "You can cry." he said lamely and Jess being Jess sobbed out a laugh.

"You're so lame."

He smiled, giving enough space between them just so he could look at her "We don't have to talk about anything yet." she wrinkled her nose "I just wanna point out that you nearly gave me a heart attack."

"I don't know if you'll believe me" Jess all but whispered, glancing around to make sure they were alone "What I told them was complete bullshit, but I can't… I don't even know…" her words lingered, sentences unfinished.

Sam's heart dropped "You lied? Why?" he knew exactly why Jessica would lie, but it couldn't be happening here. _Nothing_ like that should happen here.

"I had to." Jess set her jaw stubbornly "I don't even know why I'm telling you this. It's this meds, I can't shut up _or_ stop crying… Dean will bitch so hard… And I can't even argue, I shouldn't be _saying_ anything. Why aren't these drugs knocking me out? Nurse? Oh, nurse!" she actually sang-song the last part, which probably meant that the meds were more than enough.

"Jess?" he grabbed her chin and turned her face back to him "They called me saying you were stabbed by a guy who broke into our apartment. I think you need to tell me what happened."

She blinked owlishly "I was stabbed by a guy who broke into our apartment."

"What _really_ happened, Jess."

"Why would I lie about being stabbed?"

"I didn't say you were-"

"'Cause… If I told you that I was trapped to the ceiling, _then_ you'd think I'm lying. If I opened my mouth to say Brady had black smoke spilling out of his mouth? Then yeah, completely lying." she stopped, furrowed brow "Maybe even a little demented." she added as an afterthought "But no. I'm telling you I was stabbed. Because I was. I have stitches to prove it too."

It was pretty obvious Sam should say something to his girlfriend's drugged rant, but all though vanished from his mind. He could just see fire.

"Is everything ok here?" the tiny nurse with the big voice from before asked from the doorway.

"I'm fine." Jess said with a lopsided smile, eyes at half-mast "I'm fiiiiine.'

"Sure you are." the nurse smiled back and picked up Jess's chart to scribble on.

"Is Dean fine?" Jess went on, intertwining hands and fingers with Sam "If you gave him this stuff, then he's fiiiine. Is he fine?"

That ripped Sam right out of his stupor "Wait, is Dean here?" he looked from Jess to the nurse and back "Dean's here?!"

Jess' grip on him tighten a fraction as she leaned forward looking awfully peppy for someone who just got stabbed a couple of hour ago "He saved my life, Sam." she whispered fervently "Can we keep him?"

The tiny nurse guided Sam to a different bedroom, she wasn't so loud now that she realized how distressed he was after finding out his kid brother had been there all along.

She told him Jessica had been pretty out of it from the start, the medication just made her funny after it took on. Jess did manage to give them Sam's number, but Dean ("Is that his name? Dean?") wasn't able to talk.

Ice ran through Sam's veins. Dean talked. Dean talked and Dean ate. That's what the kid _did_.

He must've stopped walking, because suddenly, the nurse was touching his shoulder "Right through that door."

If Jess looked bad, Dean looked on the verge of death.

His eyes were completely bloodshot as Sam had never seen before, even with all the injuries they sustained over the years, what Sam thought was a scarf was a huge black bruise that encircled his brother's neck almost completely.

He didn't dare to look further down, wasn't sure he could cope with what could be there.

There was a nurse there changing his bag of IV; Sam watched as Dean outstretched a hand to pull oh her skirt until she turned around. He showed her a notepad and she snorted, then they both noticed Sam.

"Are you ok?" Sam asked tentatively, stepping inside.

Dean gave him a bemused look and wrote on his notepad, turning it towards Sam a second later "_Yeah._"

"I'm sorry I didn't come earlier" Sam ran a hand through his hair "It's been kinda… stressful."

"_No problem._"

There was a silent second in which Deans still bemused expression took a twinge of confusion, he scribbled quickly "_What now, doc?_"

"Doc?" Sam read aloud "What are you talking about, Dean?"

Dean frowned, and with those red eyes, even that tiny action looked painful "_Who are you, then?_"

"What?" Sam was floored. Again. It seemed to be happening a lot lately "Stop that, Dean, it's not funny."

His brother's mouth twitched in a failed smirk as he looked for the nurse for guidance and got only a shrug "_Do I know you?_"

It was the same as being slapped repeatedly with a giant concrete hand, his baby brother was in a hospital bed, beaten to shit and couldn't even remember him.

How could he let that happen? Dean had been alone for God knows how long and survived, actually he looked completely ok – if not a little skinny – until the moment he got in touch with Sam again.

Sometimes Sam wondered if what had made their lives miserable before had really been their father or if it had been Sam himself.

Sometimes he felt like poison.

Sometimes he-

Dean's face got all scrunched up in a way Sam was all too familiar since the kid was about 2 years old. It usually happened before the little bastard would-

Yup, there he goes. Laughing his ass off.

It was an eerie little laugh, there was pretty much no sound at all, just a hissing breath, even as his whole body shook. He used Sam's momentary shock to extend his hand towards the amused looking nurse, who slipped him a fifty.

Naturally, Sam started to sputter "Wait, were you- Did you just- But I thought- Fuck you, Dean! _Fuck you._"

That only made the silent laugh shake Dean even harder. Somehow he managed to write "_So fucking easy._"

The nurse sent him an apologetically smile "Don't get mad, I thought he wouldn't do it."

"_Oh you of little faith_" Dean waved the notepad until he was noticed.

Sam glared and the nurse chuckled, moving to leave. "Don't be too hard on him" she whispered as Dean turned his attention to the notepad "He has high tolerance to painkillers, was almost maxed out on morphine before it even tickled. He needed some distraction."

She left and Sam took a deep breath "It's 'ye of little faith' not 'you'." he told Dean before sitting on the edge of the bed "And your sense of humor is crap."

And Dean shot him a self-satisfied smirk before frowning at the notepad, Sam caught him mouthing 'ye of little faith' as he corrected the writing.

"_Jess. Is she good?_"

"She was stabbed. And was going on about being stuck to a ceiling and black smoke. Wanna tell me what's that about?"

"_No idea. We got stoned after you left though, might be it._"

"I'll tell her you said that."

Dean shrugged a shoulder, not scared in the least. The bruise on his neck looked suspiciously like a hand, even had a ring mark and everything. "_Is she okay?_" he insisted.

"No. But she will be."

Dean nodded and breathed a sigh of relief, doing a damn good job of ignoring Sam's pissed of stare.

"Are you seriously not gonna tell me what happened back there?"

"_What did Jess tell you?_"

"Goddamn it, Dean…" Sam rubbed a hand across his face "It's like pulling teeth with you two."

Dean's face lost all humor and he just arched his eyebrows, shot a look to the door and back to Sam who was completely lost.

"What?"

With a dramatic eye roll, Dean repeated the exact same motion and turned to Sam expectantly.

"You don't wanna talk in front of… nurses?"

"_Bingo_"

"You know you don't actually have to _talk, _right? Just write it down."

Yeah, Dean didn't have to talk, he simply flipped Sam off. "_Oh yeah, it would go REALLY well for me, this whole hospital of civilians having physical evidence that the charity case went bananas._"

"No one would find it and why the hell did you just refer to yourself as the charity case?"

Dean gave him the same bemused look as before, and Sam thought he was missing something "_What do you think happened?_"

Sam scowled at the deflection "What I think happened couldn't have happened. That kind of thing doesn't happen here."

"_BAD things don't happen here?_" Dean was kinda smiling, though the rest of him looked disheartened, Sam didn't like that at all.

"No, they don't."

"_Tell that to your girlfriend's stomach, I think the 57 stitches might disagree._"

That flared something horrible in Sam's gut "Nothing bad had ever happened before _you_ came along."

The words left his mouth tasting like battery acid, he regretted them instantly. This wasn't Dean's fault, how could it be? Dean saved Jessica from something that apparently had taken over Brady's body, if it weren't for Dean, she'd be dead.

Sam opened his mouth to apologize, to say he didn't really mean it, that he was so scared nothing made sense, but Dean's face contorted in anger and he was breathing so fast it was almost hyperventilation.

"Get out." Dean croaked in a gravely voice that left Sam's hair standing on end.

"Dean, you shouldn't be talking."

"Get out!"

"Dean-"

But Dean isn't listening anymore, his using the notepad to bang on the metal bed, and damn if it didn't make a huge ruckus. It also instantly brought the tiny nurse to the door.

"What's going on?" she bellowed in her huge voice.

"Nothing!" Sam nearly shouted back, even though Dean stopped fussing.

"All that noise was nothing?" she asks but then stares pointedly to something beyond Sam's shoulder.

He turns to find Dean's slightly tilted handwriting staring back at him "_HIM. OUT. __NOW._"

"Oh Dean, come on…"

"Sir" the nurse called in a totally professional and controlled tone "If you don't leave now, I'm gonna have to call security."

"Alright, alright! I'm going." Sam got up and with a last look at Dean, whose enraged eyes were brimming with tears. When the nurse took in that sight, Sam was grabbed by the tiniest, strongest hands that ever were.

He was just kicked out of his kid brother's room. Sam didn't think that had actually successfully happened before. Ever.

It was such a foreign situation, Sam wasn't sure if he should go back to Jess' room or just leave.

The idea of seeing Jessica, even if she was loopy or sleeping was enough to make the decision for him, and he made his way back to her room under the glare of the tiny nurse.

Jessica was asleep, but her eyes snapped open the second Sam's hand caressed her hair.

"Am I crazy?" she asked completely serious.

Sam's heart twisted "No."

"So that was all real?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"I'm so sorry."

"Dean said that too. I don't like it, so stop."

"Ok."

He didn't know what else to say, in fact he'd fuck up enough already, so not knowing what to say was probably a good thing. His brother so close to tears over something he said was going to torment him for… ever. How the hell could he say that?

Why did Dean have to make him so angry so easily?

Fuck.

Jess was so quiet Sam thought she was asleep again, but suddenly her hand was making its way into his pocket and pulling a strip of paper. She read it silently then passed it on to Sam.

In it he found a familiar tilted handwriting "_I can still cry on command, asshole_"

Jess' eyes were so intense in their drugged stare that Sam was compelled to look back and did so in time to see her frown before saying "You are so screwed."

* * *

**A/N.:** (I had reupload the chapter, it was missing a piece) Oh Sam... You suck sometimes.

If there's one thing I've missed on the show is the "We're so screwed", someone should definitely bring that back!

Thanks for the feedback, guys! You have no idea how giddy I get when I see all the nice words you have to say about this!

And I do apologize for Sam's behavior, he doesn't handle stress very well.


	5. don't make it bad

Dean was 10 when Sam decided that John was plain moronic in his army antics. So he decided to tell his dad exactly that. It didn't bode well with the old man. At first when Sam's tongue got loose, it seemed just a huge joke as Dean would be peaking behind doors, giggling at his older brother's jabs.

Suddenly it wasn't funny anymore and when Sam and John were at each other's throats, Dean huddled on a sofa or a bed clutching an unrecognizable stuffed animal that the kid usually claimed he didn't need anymore.

Then one day, Dean just wasn't there.

John noticed it first, Sam still was too busy fuming, even if the argument had ended the day before, and afterwards he wanted to beat himself up over it. Later, John took care of that for him.

"He was supposed to be on _your_ watch." was dad's mantra as they searched. Like Sam didn't know that. Like Sam's gut wasn't churning with guilt and worry just as John's.

They found Dean in a one bedroom on Flagstaff and Sam had to hand it to the younger Winchester: the little bastard was resourceful. When John kicked down the door, Dean had a slice of pizza halfway to his mouth and a huge shaggy dog with its head on his lap.

"Dad?" Dean asked, blinking in surprise. Karate Kid blasting on the TV.

Sam hanged back, hands in his pockets, jaw still aching where dad reminded him of his responsibilities, trying not to glare at Dean. And failing completely.

John grabbed Dean by the back of the kid's shirt, throwing him over his shoulder and walking out, so quick and clean that Dean only had the time to yelp when his feet left the floor.

The drive back was awkward, the silence only ceasing when John asked "What the hell were you thinking?"

Sam turned slightly to see the confused look on Dean's face, followed by the one shoulder shrug "I never had a dog."

In his conscious mind, Sam knew he was the older brother; older and wiser, so he shouldn't be so pissed at Dean – the younger, brainless one – for the disappearing act, but the rest of him couldn't help the bitterness that seeped through his bones at the realization that Dean ditched them, ditched _him_, over a fucking dog.

Dean seemed clueless as to why Sam was so completely pissed, and that angered Sam to a whole new level. John's choice of punishment was to alienate the youngest just as he'd been alienated, and it worked too damn perfectly for Sam not to follow his dad's lead.

No one talked anymore, Sam and John weren't on speaking terms to begin with and it took Dean a day and a half to finally get that his voice wasn't welcomed. The cold shoulder lasted a month, even if John still had to speak, at least to bark orders at them, but Sam was mute the whole time.

The break finally came on one afternoon, he washed the dishes and tried to ignore the sound that Dean's pencil made when it crossed the paper he was drawing on. Sam peaked at his brother through the corner of his eyes and the sight of Dean's deep frown made the words just tumbled out of Sam's mouth without permission "Why did you do that?"

The pencil stopped. Dean looked up at Sam's back and his eyes dropped to the table again. "I didn't think you'd notice."

Sam grabbed the corners of the tiny sink. "How in hell wouldn't I notice that my _brother_, who I was supposed to be watching, suddenly vanished?"

"But you needed space!" the absolute certainty in Dean's statement made Sam turn around.

"What are you talking about?"

The question caught Dean off guard "I mean…" he swallowed "You told me that."

"When did I ever tell you that I needed space?" even as he spoke Sam remembered saying that. More than once, actually. A whole bunch of times. Pretty much every time Dean came up to him with anything else than a problem with homework.

Dean frowned again "You were mad at dad, and you two needed to talk, and after that, both of you would need space and this room is so small, and… There wasn't any space left for me, so I thought I'd come back _after_ you had your space. Never thought you'd get _that_ mad…"

Sam felt like a jerk.

**xoo0oox**

Whenever Jessica would pick up a book, she'd read it out loud. It didn't matter if it was a text book or just a novel, she'd either have her weird little version of a public reading or have music blasting way too loudly on a headset. Sometimes both.

Sam couldn't quite decide if it was endearing or unnerving. He guessed it was endearing because it was Jess and he was completely and utterly whipped, as it's been established, and it was unnerving because he had to listen to freaking everything.

She was a psychology major, he really didn't wanna know about the crap hovering in his subconscious, but she read it to him anyway. Sure she didn't really realize how loud she was, or that Sam couldn't turn her voice off, still…

And ok, even Sam had to admit that sometimes it wasn't all that bad. He never had to read Harry Potter, for instance, he heard everything. Even the Diggory Breakdown, which went as follows:

"'_A blast of green light blazed through Harry's eyelids, and he heard something heavy fall to ground beside him. Cedric was lying spread-eagled on the ground beside him. He was dead._'" a moment of silence, then "Wait, _what_? Sam! Sam, oh my God, do you know what just happened?"

"Yeah, I heard it."

"But… Oh my _God_! Who the hell _is_ Cedric?"

"Well… He's the guy from Huffle-"

"Yeah, yeah, Hufflepuff, Triwizard Champion, is banging the little Asian chick Harry's into, I _know_ that!"

"So what are you asking?"

"I mean… Who the hell _is_ this guy? I never gave a teeny tiny rat's ass about him, but now that he's dead I'm all like 'No! Damn you, Scabbers! Damn you!' and why? Because of a dead Hufflepuff? I don't get it."

Neither did Sam, but it was pretty funny.

What he never imagined was that this little quirk of Jess's would ever be useful, but now, standing outside Dean's hospital room – from where he was still banned from – he totally wanted to thank her.

"He's your brother, he's bound to say stupid stuff to you." he heard her tell Dean "You know you can't stay mad at him forever, right?"

"_Sure I can, you just watch._" Dean answered.

Well, not really. Actually, Jessica read Dean's notepad out loud, making it sound like they were having a normal conversation. She even sounded different, so Sam always knew which one was 'talking'.

"You're _not_ serious. I don't think you're even mad anymore, you're just doing this to make him squirm. I mean, what could he possibly have said to make you this pissed?"

"_He didn't tell you?_"

"No. He just said he screwed up."

"_You can chill. We're fine, I just wanna get out of here._"

"Ok, leave the hospital, then what?"

"_Hit the road._"

"On your own?"

"_I tried living with others, lotta good it did me._"

"You can't let one guy puking smoke ruin your faith in mankind. Oh, and by the way… What the fuck was that?"

"_This isn't the best place to talk about it, and you're reading all my crap out loud, we look like a couple of lunatics._"

From the sound of things, Dean got cuffed on the head "I'll show you lunatic, you little ass. How can you just up and leave me like that? I thought I could keep you."

"_I'm not leaving_ you_, I'm just leaving. And you've got Sam. Also, I'm not a pet._"

"So do you, you know? You've got Sam too. Oh, no. You don't get to erase the stuff you're writing, let me see. Stop that!"

Sam wanted to take a peek so bad because it _really_ sounded like they were wrestling, but he knew that as soon as his head got anywhere near the door, Dean would spot him.

"'He never really liked me', is that what's written here?" Jess asked and octave higher and Dean sighed audibly.

"_It was a joke._"

"A bitter fucking joke."

"_It's a good joke, your sense of humor is crap._"

"Oh, _my_ sense of humor is crap? Which one of us pretended to lose his memory?"

"_Another good joke._"

They were silent for a second and Sam nearly went mad trying to keep from barging into the room and telling Dean to get over himself already. Sure, Sam fucked up big time, but there was obviously more pressing concerns with that monster that had taken over Brady and almost killed Dean and Jess. That thing could still be out there and it was pretty clear that Dean had some important knowledge that Sam didn't. And the little ass couldn't talk and wouldn't write about it.

Talk about nerve racking…

"_Tell you what_" Jess read and Sam jumped to attention "_If you can make Sam stop eavesdropping I'll tell you what you wanna know._"

"Sam's not here." Jess said laughingly and already way too close for Sam to find a decent hiding place. She leaned with a hand on the threshold and her eyes boggled when she saw him "But you are."

From beneath her arm, Sam saw Dean wave then flip him off.

"I was worried." he said lamely.

"Stop being such a pigheaded ass and say you're sorry!" she demanded in an angry whisper.

"I'm sorry" he called over her shoulder.

The "_FUCK YOU_" was written in huge bold letters, Dean probably spent a lot of time working on it just for that precise moment.

Sam ran a hand over his face, so it took him a moment to notice that Jess was laughing and Dean was trying very hard to hide a smile.

"He's still mad," Jess clarified "but that 'fuck you' sign was a huge stress reliever, you have no idea."

"It was your idea, wasn't it?"

"I might've done the outline, yes… But you can bitch at me later, go get some coffee or something 'cause I wanna talk to him and I can't if I know you're hovering."

"I thought you needed bed rest."

"I'm on his bed, resting."

"Jess…" she took a deep breath and stuck a hand on the middle of his chest pushing him away from the door.

"Sam, look. I love you and I get how you're feeling, but I _need_ to understand what happened to me back there, and the only one who can help me right now is Dean. He will never admit it, but I'm pretty sure he's too scared to talk for some reason and let's face it, whatever it is you said to him didn't help at all."

"I told him it was his fault." Sam blurted and grimaced instantaneously.

"What?" she whispered with a pained expression.

"I know, I fucked up! But I really thought I had left all that crap behind and right when he shows up, _boom_! You almost died, Jess. _He_ almost died. I didn't even know what I was saying."

"Wait. Just wait a second." she waved her hands in front of his face "Left what crap behind?"

Sam gaped for a bit, then his mouth started to work but no sound came out of it "Well…"

"Crap like what, Sam? Did you leave behind a bunch of people vomiting smoke? Is that it?"

"No, not that…"

"Because if you don't correct me pretty quickly, I'm gonna assume you knew shit like that existed."

"Again, not exactly that, but kind of, yeah…"

"What? How?"

"Jess, please, this isn't important right now" he tried reaching a hand, but she stepped back.

"Oh, but it is, Sam! Did you know that I thought your brother was _dead_ up until I met him in our kitchen? Was Dean part of the _crap_ you left behind?"

How the hell was he supposed to answer _that_?

"He was… around the crap but not the crap itself? Come on, Jess…"

"What are you not telling me? I mean, besides _everything_." she bit her lips and when she spoke again, her voice was calm and collected "Sam, why did you leave home?"

"Jessica, love…" he caressed her hair and got his hand slapped for it "It's not like I don't wanna tell you, I just can't understand why that's so important right now."

"Because I'm freaking out, Sam!" she shrieked "Because I would've appreciated a heads up, and because Becky has been telling everyone that you ran away from home because your father molested you."

"I- what?!"

"I'm freaking out, Sam." not really what he was asking about, but… "I think I'm losing my mind."

"You're not."

"Then I need some explanations, Sam."

Sam shifted his weight from feet to feet, but he had no idea how to begin. Jessica huffed irritably and headed back to Dean's room.

"Jess!" he called to her back, but she just kept going only stopping by Dean's bedside.

When she turned, Sam even smiled, but she just slammed the door shut, the 'fuck you' sign stuck on the tiny window that would've given him a clear view of the bed.

Jessica paced, still fuming from the talk with Sam and Dean watched with wide eyes and arched brows. He had stupidly long eyelashes and the sight of them pissed her off even more. Do you know how hard she had to work to get her lashes looking like that?

Totally unfair.

She opened her mouth to talk at the same time the door swung open and the tiny nurse that freaked her out eyed them suspiciously "This door stays open."

Dean saluted her and smiled sweetly. What a kiss ass.

Her expression must've been pretty obvious because as soon as the tiny nurse left Dean lifted his notepad.

"_Know who to please, dude. That's why I always get extra jello._"

"You don't even like jello."

"_I like jello, you just ate it all before I could get it._"

Her tense shoulders dropped and she blinked "Sorry."

Dean simply shrugged. What a cool kid…

"Why did Sam leave?" she blurted out exactly like Sam had done with her a couple of minutes back, she rolled her eyes internally.

Dean blinked at her before writing "_I think you told him to leave._"

"Oh, no. I meant, he's always been pretty secretive about his life before Stanford and I always thought-" _that you were dead._ Nope, not saying that "It doesn't matter what I thought, I just… I need… I need you to talk to me."

Dean licked his lips nodding thoughtfully and beckoned her closer. Jessica took a step forward and Dean rolled his eyes.

"_Closer, stupid_"

"You're stupid. Stupid." she mumbled and sat down beside him, shoulder to shoulder.

Jessica expected him to pick up the notepad and write away, instead Dean shifted closer, pushing her hair back and began whispering in her ear in his still scratchy voice. "When I was a baby, my mom died. Sam was four years old, he carried me out of the house."

"You shouldn't be talking, Dean…" Jess chastised but Dean brought a finger to his lips.

"Shhh…"

"If the tiny nurse yells at me-"

"Sam will step on her to protect you." Jess gave a very unladylike snort and bit her lips to keep from smiling to wide. Dean's face lost all humor and he went back to the story "When Sam was four, our mom died. Someone cut her up and set her on fire on the ceiling above my crib."

Jessica looked at Dean then, but he was dead serious. She remembered the feeling of not having control over her body and swallowed hard.

But Dean kept talking. He told her how his father made it his life mission to track down the thing that killed his wife and ended up dragging both sons into it. He told her about their training, the hunt, how Sam was the one to take care of Dean most of the time and how Sam hated it all. He told her about the fights, how Sam stood against their father constantly. He told her about the monsters.

He told her how Sam left for Stanford and how their father went missing.

He told her that he was alone for so long that he freaked enough to end up there on her kitchen in the middle of the night.

He told her he was sorry that she had to find out this way, that she had to find out at all.

He told her that Sam was right, he should've never gone there.

By the time Dean finished talking his eyes were hollow and so very tired even as he tried to give Jess a reassuring smile.

"You should sleep now" she murmured standing up.

Dean slid down the bed, getting comfortable but whined "I don't wanna…" with a soft smile that felt more real. He fought the drowsiness to pick up the notepad again, he scribbled something quick, ripped the page, folded it and handed it to Jess, letting his head fall heavily on the pillow.

He looked about fourteen.

Jessica left silently and found Sam seated in secluded chair, away from the door. His eyes brightened at the sight of her, it made her heart clench.

She took a deep breath and opened Dean's note.

_Give him hell for me._

* * *

**A/N.:** In my head, Jessica should date both Sam _and_ Dean. Yeah, I don't know.

Sorry about how long this took, but I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. The reviews have been awesome and I thank you all!


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